everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
