walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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