She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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