Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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