Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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