I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
