The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
