my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
