Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
