He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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