Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
