shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize