Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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