Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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