I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
