I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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