I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
