Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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