is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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