tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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