He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This toilet bowl is my home.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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