You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
