i need an iv and a liver transplant
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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