seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
