JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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