I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
