I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
