I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
