You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
