Porn is love you can see.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
