Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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