I'm eating all of the evidence.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
