I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
