I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
