dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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