Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
