dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
