tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
