Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
