Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
