I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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