the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
