maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
