winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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