why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
