I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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