Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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