I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
