My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
