I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
