There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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