its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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