Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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