there's paper in my vomit.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
