I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
