The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
