hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize