I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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