Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
