I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
