were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Mom said you looked used
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
