Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize