I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
