Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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