So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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