babies were throwing up all over the place
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
