R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
