I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
