Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize