i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
