Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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