There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
