They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
