i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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