OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
