i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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