I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
