Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
