You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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