Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
May the power of my ass compel you!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
