U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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