She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
