Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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