; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
