he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
