apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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