apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
