Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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