ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
