Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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