She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
