booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize