marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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