I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
