thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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