Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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