i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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