I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
