The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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