I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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