Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
