I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize