the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
