It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
