Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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