Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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