And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
