so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
