I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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