Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
