you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She said her name was "party"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
