obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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