I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize