is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize